As many may have heard, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was a lecturer at the Islamic University in Baghdad many years ago, during the Saddam Hussein era. The following are excerpts of his student evaluations, recently uncovered on ratemyprofessors.com
Professor Name: Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
School: Islamic University of Baghdad
Location: Baghdad, Iraq
Department: Islamic Studies
Average Rating: Poor
|Intro to Islamic History||Poor||WORST PROFESSOR EVER. The class is called Introduction to Islamic History, and all he ever did was yell at us for not being religious enough.
Plus, his final exam was completely ridiculous. We all came ready for a written exam, and he gave us machine guns and told us to go out and shoot all the shopkeepers who sold alcohol. That wasn’t in any of his lectures or readings, so we weren’t prepared. Everyone got a C-.
NO tenure for Baghdadi!!!!
|Intro to Islamic History||Poorer||Books were completely useless. I’m not even sure what the Protocols of the Elders of Zion has to do with Islamic history.||N, Good threads through.|
|Intro to Islamic History||Poorest||He kept running over, which is weird since he had a watch that cost more than the combined net worth of the entire class. If you tried to leave when the stupid class was actually supposed to end, he starting lashing you with a whip he had on his desk.||N|
|Jihad and the Modern Mind||Poor||NEVER go to Professor Baghdadi’s office hours as a woman. I went one time, and he called me a whore for going to see a man alone. That’s when he doesn’t find you hot. When my friend went, he asked her to be his third wife.
And you can’t get out of this by going to office hours with guys either. Because then he’ll start throwing rocks at you and calling you a fornicator.
|Are you kidding?|
|Jihad and the Modern Mind||Poor||NEVER go to Baghdadi’s office hours as a man. He answered every question with “are you an apostate or an infidel? If you are the first, then you must repent your apostasy or I must shoot you. If you are the second, I must shoot you.” Then when you repent he says you should thank him for answering your question. Dude is bat shit crazy. Who’s running the hiring department at this university anyway?||N|
|Death and the Shari’a:
|Average||I’m not sure Professor Baghdadi is as inclusive as he needs to be. He never calls on the Shi’a students. Part of this is because he shot them dead the first day, but still, that’s no excuse for letting students feel marginalized. The whole learning environment just seems unnecessarily hostile here at the Islamic University in Baghdad.||N|
|The Shari’a and Death:
|Excellent||Above reviewers just got bad grades. Personally, I liked Professor Baghdadi’s lecture style, he’s very enthusiastic and passionate. He is also demanding, but that’s only because he cares so much. If you really commit yourself to the class, you’ll be fine. (If not, he’ll probably kill you.)||N|
|Introduction to the Caliphate||Excellent||Yes, I assigned hotness points. What can I say, I just find the whole “I’m going to establish a caliphate and conquer your territory” sexy.||Y|
|Introduction to the Caliphate||Poor||I’m Christian, so I didn’t like how he hit me on the head with a book each morning and demanded I pay him extra money. I was going to go to the Islamic University of Baghdad Christian Students Association to complain, but then I remembered. We don’t actually have one.||N|
|Infidelism and Innovation||Poor||I was also going to assign hotness points, except I’m a guy. So I figured he might then realize I’m gay and throw me off the roof of the highest building on campus. It probably wouldn’t kill me, since we only have one story buildings, but it would hurt. This place may be a little behind the times on being LGBT sensitive.||N|
|Social Media and Islam (Which is Totally Consistent with Infidelism and Innovation Class, except to Hypocrites and Unbelievers)||Best professor ever, Mr. Caliph Sir!||I really think you’ve got to give this guy tenure. Otherwise he might just get 10,000 people just as nuts as he is and take over half the country. Preparing for the day. . . .||N|